Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Things to Say to Strangers on Omegle

First off: There will not be a Thursday post. I have class from 8 AM to 10 PM on Wednesday. There will NEVER be a Thursday post (or a Tuesday post- I have class from 8 AM to 9:30 PM on Monday. Dang overachievers!) I'm putting the update schedule up now.

Anyway, to those of you who haven't heard of Omegle, it's a site where they pair you up with a random stranger to chat. What do people use it for? If you're using it to make friends, you're doing something wrong. The correct way to use it is to freak people out.

So, how do people freak others out? They use sexually explicit material, spout off "random" phrases, or just say one thing and leave.

Beginners.

Look, if you use sexually explicit phrases, you're just going to end up having conversations with disgusting people. If you think of "random" phrases and pop culture references, that's just no fun. And, of course, if you say something and leave, you never get to see the reaction of the person you're freaking out.

Whether you want to scare everybody with your psyche or use a tit-for-tat-esque method and want to scare off only the crazies, you may find these guidelines useful.

1. WRONG CONVERSATION
Talk as if you would normally to the person, but use the dialogue from a different conversation. Example:

Stranger: hi
You: and one more thing
Stranger: what?
You: when you get to the platform
Stranger: what platform?
You: turn right and then you see it

For more kicks, act as if you didn't realize you were talking to the wrong person. Apologize. Then do it again.

2. ACT LIKE A LITTLE KID

This one is just fun. When small children get on the keyboard and have a chance to talk to people, they sometimes have more fun with the keyboard than with the conversation. So, pretend you're having a blast with the keyboard. Type your own name and "hi" too much. Use lots of emoticons. Don't respond coherently to anything the other person says.

You: hi
Stranger: hi
You: my name is alex
Stranger: hi alex
You: :)
Stranger: okay
You: qwertyuiop[]\asdfghjkl;'zxcvbnm,./
Stranger: uh?
You: flower-----------{@

3. TELEMARKETER

This one needs no example. You want to sell something, but have to talk the person into it first. To do this, act overly sincere and focus a lot on the other person, then give them a copy-and-pasted description of why they should GIVE YOU MONEY. (I myself am collecting for the Poor Vegans who Can't Eat Normal Halloween Candy fund.) This is great if you like to watch people rage quit.

4. OBSESSOR*

Another character play, except you focus on only one thing. Your character cannot stop talking about it. Your character brings every topic of conversation back to this one thing. When you pick something to be obsessed about, make that thing as convoluted and specific as possible. Good examples would be:

the history of mummifying housepets
shapes of different types of soda bottles around the world
memorizing the names of obscure programming languages

If you don't know anything about the subject or are having trouble getting the other person to say something that will bring you back to the subject, make up information. ("You're from Georgia? In 2001, Atlanta of all the cities in the U.S.") If the other person tries to suggest alternatives, such as burying housepets, jump on them with murderous rage.

If the other person knows more about the subject than you do, rage quit.

5. THE JOHN FITZGERALD PAGE METHOD

Do you know who John Fitzgerald is? If not, click on the link. If not, continue onward.

Yeah. There is probably no better way to scare someone off than to act like this guy. I have personally never done this, because it would break my poor heart.

Start off by copy-pasting a highly indulgent description of yourself (or who you would like to be,) then continue the entire conversation by talking down to them and trying to get them to impress you. Make judgements about the other person extremely quickly, and be confident in them.** To show off how smart you are, type in correct grammar and use words such as "egregious" and "behoove." Or, you could go in a completely different direction and mispell everything! Ah, so many ways.

Any other methods or ideas? Feedback? Conversation snippets?

*I am Obsessor! Draw me a sketch!
**Do the opposite in real life.

4 comments:

  1. 6. The Chatbot

    Copy+paste everything your interlocutor says into ELIZA, jabberwacky, or a similar chatbot, and enter the results. See how long it takes for them to notice.

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  2. A wild Abra appears! A wild Abra uses teleport!

    :disconnect:

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  3. http://www.blandfill.com/2009/11/21/omegle/

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  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

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